I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
