How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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