did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
