It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
