As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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