I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
