saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
