No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
