please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize