I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
