i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
