I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All the doctor said was why
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize