My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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