meet me or not, i'm out of control
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bring me that man meat
Panties = found
Randomize
