my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
