You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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