I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
