They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
