the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my liver is dry heaving
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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