it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
