Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't deserve a penis
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
