dude i'm inner monologue high
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
