i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
