Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How naked do you want me to be?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
