i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize