It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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