I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
