Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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