It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
