I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
