My first STD was from a foam party
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
