If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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