You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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