I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
