Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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