Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
