idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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