I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
