Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I want is dick and wine.
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