if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if only i could text you this smell
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
