i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
