I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
