First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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