Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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