Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
