what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
