I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
