it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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