so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
