i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
