have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
