I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
