Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
