Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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