My room smells like vodka and shame
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
