My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im holly from the hills drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So squirting runs in the family.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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