i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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