tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize
