Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
