Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
