Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
