Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
