wat bout pragnant strippers??
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
