a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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