So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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