I think I just saw someone hide a body.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
