Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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