I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize