R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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