but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
