I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
