i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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