who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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