you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
