Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
